Kindness Is A Women's Power

Written by Kim Tran

"Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me." – Al Capone

It's sad to think, people deem kindness as a form of weakness.

That anyone who shows up as kind, compassionate, and vulnerable - can often be viewed as "naive", "dumb", or "easy to manipulate".

Why?

Because, as we continue to move forward in life, we're faced with obstacles and challenges that makes us believe that we have to protect ourselves.

As a result?

We start to become exactly like those who have hurt us.

We think we need to hurt people before they can hurt us. We believe we have to guard ourselves, hide ourselves, protect ourselves.

That if we're too kind, too vulnerable, too honest - it'll be used against us.

So we hide. We pretend. We fake it.

And eventually, we forget who we actually are.

The old version of us that we wanted to protect so badly soon becomes nothing more than a faint memory.

A memory hidden behind this fake mask that we put on to protect ourselves.

Because of this, without realizing it - we're now the one hurting other people.

We've become exactly like those who hurt us.

They've succeeded - they broke us.

"Hurt people, hurt people."

Because the truth is, it's hard not to allow life's circumstances to change us.

To make us become a different person in order to protect us from this crazy world.

A more guarded, pessimistic, and jaded version of ourselves.

A version that's selfish, calculative, and possibly conniving.

It makes sense though. Who wants to get hurt again and again, right?

And unfortunately, one of life's early lessons, is that if we show too much of ourselves - too kind, too giving, too trusting - we will only be the one taken advantage of.

And I can definitely relate with this mindset, as I've been there before.

However, I want to present a different perspective today.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been through some heartbreaks.

Not only heartbreaks, but betrayals - experiences that made me question whether or not my kindness was IN FACT, my weakness.

Whether or not I needed to show up in this world differently. Did I need to be more guarded - more cold?

Was me showing up with kindness to those around me - my friends, partners, family, clients, even strangers - wrong?

My conclusion? No.

How can kindness possibly be a weakness?

If anything, kindness is a women's power - my power.

In a world that lacks so much kindness, empathy, and love - how is it wrong that I CHOOSE to be kind?

And thats when I realized, the problem wasn't that I was kind.

The real problem was that I assumed because I was kind, other people were the same too.

That just because I showed up for someone, that they would for me too.

But the truth is - we live in a cruel world and it's our responsibility to protect ourselves.

No one owes us anything.

People will do what they want to do and we have no control over that.

So what can we control?

How we show up in the world and who we want to be.

To continue to show up as that person - kind, caring, and compassionate.

Because if we change?

They won - they broke us.

We became a victim to their cruelty.

And my ego won't allow that.

I am never the victim.

So I learned - I learned that its our responsibility to see the world for what it is. We need to have a clear understanding of how people operate.

We need to train our level of self-respect, our discernment - our minds to be stronger than our emotions.

I know this sounds intense and so extreme - but hear me out.

When we get betrayed by a friend, a partner, a family member how does it happen?

It usually happens because we ignored small signs of betrayal early on - underhanded comments, disregard for boundaries, asked too many personal questions, etc.

These, are all red flags. Red flags that we ignore because our emotions make us think:

"Oh, she's my best friend, she's probably just having a bad day. She didn't mean it in a harmful way."

"I know he loves me. I'm just overreacting."

"Oh, he's just asking a lot of questions because he's really excited to get to know me."

Ladies, we need to smarten up.

If we don't, we're leaving the door wide open for the fake, the fraud and the phonies to come into our lives and make us step out of character.

To hurt us, to change us, to influence us.

To break us.

So in order to protect ourselves, to protect our kindness, our softness, our femininity - we need to stop giving our power away to other people.

We need to stop assuming that just because this person is our friend, our partner, our family - that they won't hurt us.

Because everyone has the ability to hurt us - the worst part? Oftentimes, they don't even realize that they're doing it because it's coming from a wounded place.

A place they're not ready to face.

So what do I think is the solution?

We need to continue to show up as we are - kind, loving, and caring - while having an understanding that the person we're dealing with may have an ulterior motive.

If you're dealing with a man, assume that he's not dealing with you because he sees how big of a heart you have, how amazing your personality is, or how smart you are - he's dealing with you because he likes what he sees and we wants to see if he can get lucky with you.

That woman who's talking to you, befriending you, smiling at you? She's doing it because she wants to get close to you to covet what you have - covet what she feels she lacks.

I can already hear it. "Well, isn't that the same as you being pessimistic, guarded, and jaded? What are you even talking about?"

The answer is, no. It's not the same.

I'm not changing the way I show up in the world. I'm going to still show up as myself. Kind and open, unafraid of being vulnerable and honest because that's who I want to be.

Who I'm choosing to be.

What I am changing though - my mindset.

I call it being realistic. Grounded.

When dealing with new people, I now go into the interactions with the assumption that they want something from me. And over time, I allow the other person the chance to prove me wrong.

People that have bad intentions will see your kindness as weakness and naiveté. So, in no time at all, they will quickly show you who they are.

Why?

Because they were never planning to stick around long anyways.

And to add to this, you need to have this mindset at every new milestone in your life.

Because the reality is, we're all human and we're all flawed.

Just because someone loves you and is loyal to you today, doesn't mean that they're not going to try to test you when they see an opportunity down the road.

And just because someone isn't jealous of you today, doesn't mean that they won't be jealous of you tomorrow when they see you winning.

It doesn't make them bad people. It just makes them human.

And unfortunately, how someone acts is not something that we can predict or control.

However, what can we control?

The self-respect that we have for ourselves.

We need to train our self-respect to be stronger than our emotions. Our fears.

We need to train ourselves to let go of people once they show us that they don't have the capacity to show up for us the way we deserve.

Because ladies - our self-respect is a non-negotiable.

So when someone shows us disrespect?

We're not going to be surprised because we came into this relationship with an understanding that they're only human, and just like us, they're on their own journey of healing.

We understand that people will do what they want to do and we have no control over that.

That their disrespect is not a reflection of us - but a reflection of themselves.

So we thank them.

Thank them for showing us who they are and allowing us to see that this is the end of our journey together.

Afterwards, we kindly and graciously walk them to the door and bless them with our silence and absence.

And what do we do?

We move forward.

We move forward and we continue to grow, heal, and transform.

Unbothered and untouched by their disrespect. Why?

Because we know that it was THEIR lost.

Because we know, from the very first second of the relationship - we showed up as our best self - kind, loving, and compassionate.

And we remained that way - till the very last second.

We were their blessing in this crazy world.

We have no regrets.

And at the end of the day, we know that we're amazing.

And because of this we WILL find better friends, better connections, and better opportunities.

And when we leave them - there's no hatred, malice, or anger. Only kindness, compassion, and love - only forgiveness.

Because we have an understanding that while we wish them the best, where we're trying to go - we don't have room for anyone who's not ready to walk next to us as an ally.

We only have space for those that are willing to put in the work to grow with us.

Because this is a journey about self-growth, healing, and transformation.

About building our beautiful life.

Our Becoming Belle Vie - the journey to the beautiful life within.

With love,

Kim Tran