Illusion: Closure

Witten by Kim Tran

“When you understand that closure is a fantasy, you have all the closure you'll ever need.”

I spent my life looking for validation from the outside world.

I kept hoping someone would come along, finally see me, and show me I was worthy of love.

But the truth was - if I couldn’t even see my own worth, how could I expect someone else to see it?

If anyone is going to love me... shouldn’t it be me?

At the end of the day, I’m the one who has to spend the rest of my life with myself.

When you really think about it - isn’t that kind of funny?

We care so much about how others feel, what others think, how others act - we forget the most important person - ourselves.

And closure? It’s the same thing.

We tell ourselves that if we just knew why they did it...

If they just said sorry...

If they just admitted they hurt us...

Then maybe - we’d finally feel better.

That the apology would free us from the hurt, the betrayal, the anger.

But that's just an illusion - a projection.

We think because we're hurting that the other person should be hurting too.

And that’s how people - when they don’t know how to regulate their emotions - end up acting out in extremes.

Sometimes those extremes go as far as violence.

The reality - those emotions belong to us.

And that means it’s our job to process them. To hold ourselves accountable for how we feel -not expect others to fix it.

Stop thinking that when someone hurts us, they owe us an apology.

Because unfortunately, a lot of people don't have the capacity to do that.

Apologizing requires self-awareness. It requires humility. It requires someone to reflect on their behaviour.

And most often, people would rather be the victim than the villain in their own story.

Once you understand this, you realize: an apology is a privilege - not a guarantee.

So instead of sitting around waiting for an apology that may never come, let’s refocus our energy on something that is within our control:

Ourselves.

And here’s a hard truth: even if they did apologize... would it really change anything?

Would it take away the fact that they hurt you? Betrayed you?

Would it undo the past? No.

It doesn't change anything, what's done is done.

At most, the apology gives you clarity on whether the relationship can be repaired. But if it doesn’t come?

Will you stay stuck forever?

Stuck in the place they left you - while they move on and terrorize someone else's life?

Sitting there, crying, miserable, and just hoping someone will come save you?

Honey, get it together.

No one is coming to rescue us. That’s our job.

And truthfully? They probably knew exactly what they were doing when they did it.

They just didn’t care enough about you - about your feelings.

So, how do we move on?

By accepting that it’s great if we get an apology - but if we don’t?

No sweat.

Because this isn't about them.

This is about us.

And the last thing we need is to give our power away to someone who couldn’t even treat us with basic respect.

Someone with poor morals and bad character.

To make us act out - to make us beg them for an explanation.

So we start by blocking them. (Only if applicable of course)

Why?

Because we don’t have space for people who lack the emotional intelligence to own up to their actions.

We don’t have time for people who can’t apologize and grow.

Then - we cry.

Ugly cry. Tears, boogers, the whole thing.

Do it at home, in your car, in your safe space. Wherever you need.

Feel your emotions.

Feel the pain. The disappointment. The betrayal.

Because your emotions are valid.

You allowed someone that you thought was safe into your life - your heart.

You opened up to them, relied on them, trusted them.

And when they showed you they weren’t who you thought they were?

Of course it would hurt.

Of course, it won't feel good.

But it's going to be okay - because you're strong - resilient.

And when you allow yourself to truly feel?

You give yourself a chance to release.

Releasing the pain in a healthy way.

And this is a process, take the time you need to feel the emotions.

Don't stop yourself because feeling your emotions is a healthy and necessary process for healing.

And then we remind ourselves.

That their actions are not a reflect of us, but a reflection of themselves.

We have no control over how someone else behaves, we only have control over ourselves.

And once we've allowed ourselves to feel, to cry, to grieve?

We stop asking "Why did they do it?"

Instead we starting asking:

"How did I allow someone like that to come into my life?"

"What was my part in the situation?"

We reflect and take accountability for our actions - our choices.

We're not doing this to relinquish the other person of responsibility.

Not at all.

But we're doing this because we understand we can't change the outcome.

But what we can do - reclaim our power.

Because we're on a journey, ladies.

A journey of self-growth, healing, and transformation.

So we're going to flip the narrative - change our perspective.

This is no longer an experience that broke us, that hurt us, that betrayed us.

Instead, we think of it as an opportunity to learn a lesson.

A valuable lesson that allowed us to grow.

To learn.

To become a better version of ourselves.

And when we look back?

We can thank them.

Because off them - we see the red flags earlier.

We spot the patterns faster.

We don’t ignore the signs.

We've learned the lesson, we aced the test.

So now, we won't have to repeat the lesson again with someone else.

We can move forward and make better choices.

Because this is our journey.

Our journey of self-growth, healing, and transformation.

And on this journey, ladies?

We don't have room for someone else's dusty, musty, and crusty son to derail us from our goal.

Our goal of creating our beautiful life.

Our Becoming Belle Vie - the journey to the beautiful life within.

Stay beautiful ladies,

Kim Tran